15-12-08
I can’t be bothered talking with all those bullshit subtitle things. I don’t even know how far this will make it, but fingers crossed. Oh yeah, I'm dropping the gimmick already.
The past two and a night days have been fairly fucking eventful. Of course I’m talking about all the stuff with Scot, and maybe I am easy, or he is, but meh.
Okay, so you know the prologue. Saw Scot at the cinemas, and we’d agreed on catching up.
Now, the following day, I was kinda nervous, just kinda pacing around, being bored, but he kinda said towards evening so I figured I’d have more time, but he calls me at like, 12:30, just after I’d put some pastries in the oven, and asks if I can be ready in half an hour. Kinda just a little but freaking out I shower, scurry around, like I do, and I wanna look nice. Bothered me how nice I wanted to look.
He picks me up in his little AC challenged Barina, for god’s sake, and we drive to Cas, just talking about stuff, and he’s done with Uni trade school stuff for the year, and did really well on his tests, and just like old times, just like two years ago, I still feel really proud of him. Just wacky like that.
We walked around, up to Big W, just talking, and get some KFC, and he decides to go to the city to get some chocolates for his mum. Of course. :)
Blahh, fuck. I can’t really be bothered doing this right now. All this bullshit.
“Oooh, and we did this, and this, and this, and it was all very nice.”
Okay.
Oooh, and we made out in his pool, and kissed at Cas like we were going out or some bullshit, and then after even more kissing we got naked in the back of his tiny air conditioner challenged Barina in the Dripstone Cliffs car park (omg ttly rite of passage) and exchanged oral sex, and then we went back to his and fucked before he dropped me home, and it was all very nice.
So yeah.
Now, yesterday, after discovering mum had her Christmas party on, and that Gabby had her party, and that big dawning “oh fuck I’m going to be alone all night” and getting sufficiently depressed, he calls me at like 12:30 (yet again) and is as drunk as fucking skunk after drinking with his co-workers and boss and whatnot, and is walking home from the city. Some urging to get a cab later, he shows up, and is really fucking drunk. Seriously, gotta give props to you boys. You make taking advantage of drunken girls look very easy. Boys, it seems (or maybe just Scot), are a bit more difficult.
Eventually he kinda falls down on my bed, and I’m still wide awake. Eddy rings, and I can’t even remember what was said, but I said that Scot was here, tell him to just calm the fuck down and stop ringing me and go back to bed. Bit later, hear Spyke barking, and Eddy is kinda lurking outside my house, for fuck’s sake.
He’s fucking crushed, and I don’t know what to do. A big part of me doesn’t even care anymore, you know? I mean, we’ve gone through this so many times, I’m sick of this bullshit him brink of tears, coming around my house at all hours of the night. As if this will make me love him. You can’t just show off raw emotion when it suits you, you whiny, needy piece of shit, and think it’ll sway me. I needed you to show you loved me through our fucking relationship, not just when you thought we were in trouble. Motherfucker. We were just friends that fucked, you know it, so don’t glamorise it.
All I can really remember saying (besides from telling him to go home) is like “You think it’s your fucking business? Do you think you know what’s best for me? You think you’re best for me?”
I mean, the fucking nerve, though. It’s bullshit.
Fuck, can’t be bothered typing this either. Fuck.
And no, I don’t wanna date Scot. He’s a fucking miner. Over Christmas and New Years he’s fucking off for two weeks and even if I wanted that with him, I couldn’t deal with that. No, I feel more like having a fuck buddy. We’re just good friends who have know each other for a long time who, on occasion, should fuck.
It’s simple, clean, and easy, and none of these fucking feelings.
That’s just bullshit.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Easier Said Than Done: Making titles.
13-12-08
Easier Said Than Done:
Talking about what happened yesterday.
Because whoa, beyond rationality. I mean, I know I’m not unknown for doing crazy things, and he’s not a stranger, but whoa.
If you haven’t guessed already, you won’t.
Easier Said Than Done:
Letting others in
I was reading my Affirmations and Warm Fuzzies from YP, and I got so many comments about being a strong, genuinely happy and caring person. I’d like to have thought that I’m open about the way I portray myself, and honest to a degree about it, but fuck, man. I’ve been struggling with depression since I was nine, and every single person there seemed to think I was just a big ball of happy. Even though half way through I burst into tears over the boot camp and ensuing OCD freak outz, and just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’m happy.
Amiable ≠ content.
Blehh.
Easier Than You’d Think:
Admitting I’m a sociopath.
See what I did there?
Aaaand like 10 hours later or something.
Easier Said Than Done:
Being alone.
I guess because of yesterday, being supremely alone tonight feels acutely painful. Like, going from feeling really sexy and shit, to bumming around in my underwear watching Sex In The fucking City, I’ve reached a new low. But really.
Mum’s out with Ali on Christmas party biz, Eddy is at Gabby’s birthday (I’m not surprised I wasn’t invited, but expected or nay, it still sucks.) and Scot is no where to be seen. What I wouldn’t give for someone (that I know, obviously) to bang down my door and fuck me and make me feel beautiful.
/dysfunction.
But how fucking lonely do ya get?
I’m blogging on a Saturday night listening to Depeche Mode and wearing my pretty knickers.
Tsk, tsk.
:(
Later. I’m off to wallow some more. Reflection just takes me to a bad place.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying prettying myself up with no where to go.
No, really. It’s too hard, I’m not even going to try.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying watching the louvers when I’m not expecting anyone.
This too.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying myself and my actions.
… Fuck.
I wonder if I can ever do this.
Maybe some day.
Easier Said Than Done:
Talking about what happened yesterday.
Because whoa, beyond rationality. I mean, I know I’m not unknown for doing crazy things, and he’s not a stranger, but whoa.
If you haven’t guessed already, you won’t.
Easier Said Than Done:
Letting others in
I was reading my Affirmations and Warm Fuzzies from YP, and I got so many comments about being a strong, genuinely happy and caring person. I’d like to have thought that I’m open about the way I portray myself, and honest to a degree about it, but fuck, man. I’ve been struggling with depression since I was nine, and every single person there seemed to think I was just a big ball of happy. Even though half way through I burst into tears over the boot camp and ensuing OCD freak outz, and just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’m happy.
Amiable ≠ content.
Blehh.
Easier Than You’d Think:
Admitting I’m a sociopath.
See what I did there?
Aaaand like 10 hours later or something.
Easier Said Than Done:
Being alone.
I guess because of yesterday, being supremely alone tonight feels acutely painful. Like, going from feeling really sexy and shit, to bumming around in my underwear watching Sex In The fucking City, I’ve reached a new low. But really.
Mum’s out with Ali on Christmas party biz, Eddy is at Gabby’s birthday (I’m not surprised I wasn’t invited, but expected or nay, it still sucks.) and Scot is no where to be seen. What I wouldn’t give for someone (that I know, obviously) to bang down my door and fuck me and make me feel beautiful.
/dysfunction.
But how fucking lonely do ya get?
I’m blogging on a Saturday night listening to Depeche Mode and wearing my pretty knickers.
Tsk, tsk.
:(
Later. I’m off to wallow some more. Reflection just takes me to a bad place.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying prettying myself up with no where to go.
No, really. It’s too hard, I’m not even going to try.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying watching the louvers when I’m not expecting anyone.
This too.
Easier Said Than Done:
Justifying myself and my actions.
… Fuck.
I wonder if I can ever do this.
Maybe some day.
Easier Said Than Done: Waiting
12-12-08
Easier Said Than Done:
FLAWLESS VICTORY in Spider Solitaire
Some days I just hella suck at it, but can’t seem to give up. Damnit.
HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY AWESOME, AWESOME STATISTICS, ME?!?!
>_<
Man, I’m so tired. Ish. Kinda. I had plenty of sleep. Okay, maybe boredom is just manifesting as fatigue, but nonetheless!
Not that I can go back to sleep or anything.
Easier Said Than Done:
Waiting for something good to come on TV.
Seriously. There is fuck all on, and I refuse to be one of those people who when in such a dire situation, will resort to watching mind numbing bullshit.
I miss the internet.
I miss everyone on the internet. Except the n00bs. They can go die. :D
BUT SHHHH!
You can’t say that on LW!
I wonder if you can link to content that encourages harm on LW, such as this blog, and if I was to say that snowcone200 should just hurry up and die before I destroy him, and then link this as my site, if there would be any repercussions?
Muahahahaha.
Easier Said Than Done:
Staying on topic.
Self explanatory.
Easier Said Than Done:
Waiting for a phone call.
Scot said he’d ring me today (well, afternoon later whatever) and I admit, I’ve been kinda psyching myself up for it (because isn’t that what you do?) and ev—
Okay, he called me as I was typing that, and I didn’t come home until midnight. Put two and two together. Maybe I’ll talk about it later.
Easier Said Than Done:
FLAWLESS VICTORY in Spider Solitaire
Some days I just hella suck at it, but can’t seem to give up. Damnit.
HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY AWESOME, AWESOME STATISTICS, ME?!?!
>_<
Man, I’m so tired. Ish. Kinda. I had plenty of sleep. Okay, maybe boredom is just manifesting as fatigue, but nonetheless!
Not that I can go back to sleep or anything.
Easier Said Than Done:
Waiting for something good to come on TV.
Seriously. There is fuck all on, and I refuse to be one of those people who when in such a dire situation, will resort to watching mind numbing bullshit.
I miss the internet.
I miss everyone on the internet. Except the n00bs. They can go die. :D
BUT SHHHH!
You can’t say that on LW!
I wonder if you can link to content that encourages harm on LW, such as this blog, and if I was to say that snowcone200 should just hurry up and die before I destroy him, and then link this as my site, if there would be any repercussions?
Muahahahaha.
Easier Said Than Done:
Staying on topic.
Self explanatory.
Easier Said Than Done:
Waiting for a phone call.
Scot said he’d ring me today (well, afternoon later whatever) and I admit, I’ve been kinda psyching myself up for it (because isn’t that what you do?) and ev—
Okay, he called me as I was typing that, and I didn’t come home until midnight. Put two and two together. Maybe I’ll talk about it later.
Easier Said Than Done: Socialising
11-12-08
Easier Said Than Done:
Getting into Twilight
Ya’know, I don’t know how it didn’t really occur to me, and I wouldn’a even thunk it, but whoa, we had a bit of a drama there.
Twilight was completely sold out. I wasn’t going to lose too much sleep over it, but I did feel bad for Rebecca, because, ya’know, it’s her birthday, but some things can’t be helped. We were kinda pussy footing around panicking when she shows, and got her ticket in the morning, so we’re like :\
Julie on a fluke got the last Twilight ticket from a cancellation, and we bought High School Musical tickets so we could sneak in (even buying them make me cringe) but being all excited and “teehee” badassness kinda wore off when we just waltzed in and, after expecting to have to sit squished in or on the floor between gaggles of giggling fan girls, we comfortably found our own place. And found out that a big school group cancelled last minute, so a lot of late comers got in.
So yeah. Not as dramatic or anything, but I’m also not losing any sleep over not having a huge ordeal. Even though we were expecting some kind of dude to check the tickets at the door, but nooo.
S’ok. Coulda been better, coulda been worse.
Unfortunately, teenage girls will inherit the earth, it seems.
Easier Said Than Done:
Watching Twilight
After getting in, it was smooth sailing, and I will say this now.
I’m not going to go on a full Pop Cult Crap-esque rant now because I’m tired as hell. Maybe later.
But it didn’t suck as much as anticipated. Ya’know?
The acting was sub par, but you can tell they’re just a bunch of kids. The budget was not enough to cover this up, but made it look snazzy, which helped ease the pain. It’s not an enthralling story line, and it felt rushed, irrational, shallow and unrealistic, but because it was a film rendition, I did not have to put up with Meyer’s shitty writing style. It’s such a stupid teen girl film, but hey, it sure got its meat hooks into the right demographic. Unfortunately, it is going to go far.
I was completely detached the whole time (my mouth stayed closed) and I guess I was doing the cynical outsider’s perspective like I always do. No harm, no foul. Someone has to. Between Zara “awwwh”ing and falling in love with a fiction character and Julie eating popcorn SO LOUDLY and complaining about the aesthetics (which I enjoyed doing too. We’re so bad) someone had to remain aloof and bitchy.
Right? :P
I can’t discern right now whether I enjoyed it, but overall, it was a really fun day, regardless. Julie and Zara loved it, as did Becky who thought it did the books a fair justice, and even though I’m sure they’re just as shitty, she had fun, so I’ll take it in my stride.
It was just a big dollop of syrupy, melodramatic, hopeless romantic vampire, swooning drivel-y tripe, but it’s a good distraction and I’m glad I saw it. Even if just to have something to blog about.
Oh, lol. >_>
Easier Said Than Done:
The ten awkward seconds after seeing an old friend, and the ensuing self-conscious 2 minutes.
I honestly can’t count how many people from Moil and Sanderson I saw today. God. I talked to about half of them, and we usually all had places to be, so it’s like that amiable exchange like “Oh, wow, you’re alive! Good for you. What have you been up to these past 3ish years?”
*crickets*
But yeah, who’d I see? Soon as we got to Cas, saw Simone (didn’t speak, waved), saw Surya’s back (meh), talked briefly to Tegan (holy shit I didn’t even know she was still here! And turns out she’s a Twilight fan girl. Tsk, tsk, Tegan), actually talked to Darcy, god forbid, as he sidled up, made lisped excuses and stared at my boobs.
Ah, nostalgia, you dog.
Then found Julie, went to the cinemas, saw, count ‘em, Raymond (we see each other at school, no big deal), Clancy (had a bit of a chat, then and during a break in Twilight. Nice guy, less awkward, but otherwise hasn’t changed a bit. A little bit taken aback by me. Also didn’t look at my eyes too much), Mitchell (never close, but since interacting online I would have liked to say hi, but no such luck), and would you believe it, fucking Scot Harrison!
Who, might I add, may have asked me on a date. I’m not sure.
Uh, who else? Couple of people we see at school anyway, but man! I guess it was because it’s the people I never run into. Like, we saw Jaime too, and a few others, but nothing crazy. But wow. And it’s weird initiating conversation. I mean, Jesus Christ. I think I did rather well, though, if you think about it.
Now, more pressingly…
Easier Said Than Done:
Surviving men.
Because oh, wow, I should wear tops like that more often. Yikes!
Uhm, let’s see.
Darcy, Clancy, Scot, and that guy in EB. Busy, busy day.
I’m sure the first three could be attributed to mingled nostalgia catch up, but yeah. Crazy, crazy. Well, let me explain.
First off, me and Zara walked into the food court and peeked into Maccas’s to see if Julie was waiting for us already (to no avail) and with many exasperated noises, were just waiting outside, and even though we’d seen all the aforementioned food court dwellers (Tegan, Darcy, Surya), and after having a little moment with Tegan, Darcy (hardly changed, dresses better, grew literally up and has more friends, big deal) sidles (and I use that word twice, specifically, because that’s just the imagery) up to us and says hi. Which is odd, because even though we’d exchanged genial waves prior on a few occasions (including me being dragged out a mosh pit with minor head trauma) I had thought he had more hard feelings about the last year because of words exchanged with Julie a few months ago. Buuut, no, and immediately makes excuses, saying that his younger brother had his Moil graduation thing today, and he’s feeling nostalgic, as he stands there in his fedora. I lol’d inside.
It was good just to chat for a bit, even though I could feel that Zara was not only a bit uncomfortable but supremely confused. I didn’t even know what was going on.
I also, apparently, didn’t notice the way he looked at me. Go figure.
So me and Darcy had a bit of a rapid speak bitch about Twilight, the internet fandom, scary Harry Potter fanfic (YUCK srsly) and how we’ve been.
I don’t think he remembered me being so smart. Shows him, eh?
Then Julie came, we squealed a bit, and my mum called so we had some complications. Especially because at this point we’d just discovered that Twilight was sold out, and I probably looked pretty frazzled (and sweaty) :\
So attractive.
I do my best.
Then we bumped into Clancy, of all people, at the cinemas, who, like Darcy, I saw around every now and then, but rarely talk to.
The conversation was far more pleasant than that with Darcy, even though I don’t think there was that same competitive streak that me and the latter had. Because I was so cool. I suppose I let him talk a fair bit, but I was more interested in how little he had changed. But it was a good ol’ amiable chat. A wee bit awkward since I’ve been told he used to like me. Which I never really put too much stock in, but he did seek me out. A little bit odd. Zara thinks the same of Darcy, though you never know. Maybe I was more of a vixen in primary school than I knew.
Then, and very topically, I saw Scot! Scot of all people. He texted me, as he does periodically (which I never reply to, as I have no credit or just don’t wanna go there) the other day, asking what was up and whether I was still around. I find it odd that he thought about me enough, randomly, to drop me a line. Like Stacy. It’s sweet, albeit perplexing.
But yeah, he also sorta sidled up to me, in his tradie clothes, as I waited kinda in/around the queue, after saying something to his friends. He grew out his hair. It’s curlier. He looks even more like a clown. :)
Asked me what I’ve been doing (nothing much), if I changed my number (nope, just no credit), prodded about me and Eddy (oh, you heard? Yeah, we broke up), and I remarked that I live closer to him now (Moil) (Other side of Byrne), (yeah, we should catch up) and then what I’m doing Friday (nothing that I can think of) and more specifically, Friday night (nope, nothing) and that we should totally catch up (oh, yeah, that would be great).
He was standing really close to me, and apparently I look really good. Pretty, happy. And he was somewhat “hmmm”d about me wearing heels. “Since when do you wear heels?” and I then detail the super huge ones I have.
It seemed kinda casual datey. Which is okay, I guess. I’m not that interested, but a nostalgia afternoon hanging out would be nice. And maybe even a date. I don’t go on dates much. It’ll be nice for a reminisce and meal, if it comes to that. No harm, no foul.
He skedaddled with his friends, appearing to be giggling like a school girl, which is cute. I guess.
And then! AND THERE’S MORE BUT WE’RE NEARLY DONE
After skipping down to the bus depot to check the bus time table and a frantic call to a mother about missing a hair appointment (I’m rescheduling and going lighter) we headed up and popped into EB, where Julie’s lover boy is working. She can say he’s not hers all she likes, but he sends her sentimental emails. Hmph!
Anyway, we pop in, talk to him a bit, and I leave them to shoot off and look at the 360 games. As I always do. Survey, look at the new releases, contemplate the prices, and this guy (EB employee, not a random) (kinda Maori looking, long wavy black hair, looked a lot like Eddy) sort of leans on the wall next to me and asks me if I’m looking for anything in particular, but I’m just browsing, and he makes small talk!
I found this hilarious.
But yeah, we talked a little bit about the broken air conditioning system, and I made a few well placed witty chides at gamers (<3) and I think I was funny, at least. But yeah. I swear to god I wasn’t imaging it. >_>
Then some older lass asks the way desperately hip grandparents do about technology, and he’s swept away by good intentions and senility, so I take the opportunity to look at the PC releases.
Ahh, man, I wish this shit bucket could handle better games.
And then Jubes’ Tim starts talking to me (the two of them present, of course) with the “Oh, are you the friend that plays WoW?” and admittedly, yes, we did kinda fall into the long winded but inevitably tame gamer diatribe about games, especially Fall Out and the dwindling popularity, so it would seem, of the common RTS (poor Red Alert). So yeah, I geeked. I geeked good.
Then we went towards Woolies, I bought Mentos, free Leonard’s taster that was weird and went everywhere, and finally got a bus.
Hung out at Zara’s, checked my mail, had a big guilt about not having spoken to Brian for a few days (gah. Timezones. :\… ) and ran off home.
Easier Said Than Done:
Enduring super random days like that.
I had fun, I admit. I kinda felt a bit sexy, a bit confident, I got maybe asked on a date, and I’m just feeling relieved. Tired as hell.
Gonna ring Ed and if he’s awake, have a bit of a bitch, maybe have some couch sleep so I don’t have to sit through a really awkward dinner (Mum and Alistair are having a fight. Joy) iono.
Time will tell.
Easier Said Than Done:
Not feeling crappy about the quality of this ranty, sensationalist and lazy post.
I’ll do it later. :\
Easier Said Than Done:
Getting into Twilight
Ya’know, I don’t know how it didn’t really occur to me, and I wouldn’a even thunk it, but whoa, we had a bit of a drama there.
Twilight was completely sold out. I wasn’t going to lose too much sleep over it, but I did feel bad for Rebecca, because, ya’know, it’s her birthday, but some things can’t be helped. We were kinda pussy footing around panicking when she shows, and got her ticket in the morning, so we’re like :\
Julie on a fluke got the last Twilight ticket from a cancellation, and we bought High School Musical tickets so we could sneak in (even buying them make me cringe) but being all excited and “teehee” badassness kinda wore off when we just waltzed in and, after expecting to have to sit squished in or on the floor between gaggles of giggling fan girls, we comfortably found our own place. And found out that a big school group cancelled last minute, so a lot of late comers got in.
So yeah. Not as dramatic or anything, but I’m also not losing any sleep over not having a huge ordeal. Even though we were expecting some kind of dude to check the tickets at the door, but nooo.
S’ok. Coulda been better, coulda been worse.
Unfortunately, teenage girls will inherit the earth, it seems.
Easier Said Than Done:
Watching Twilight
After getting in, it was smooth sailing, and I will say this now.
I’m not going to go on a full Pop Cult Crap-esque rant now because I’m tired as hell. Maybe later.
But it didn’t suck as much as anticipated. Ya’know?
The acting was sub par, but you can tell they’re just a bunch of kids. The budget was not enough to cover this up, but made it look snazzy, which helped ease the pain. It’s not an enthralling story line, and it felt rushed, irrational, shallow and unrealistic, but because it was a film rendition, I did not have to put up with Meyer’s shitty writing style. It’s such a stupid teen girl film, but hey, it sure got its meat hooks into the right demographic. Unfortunately, it is going to go far.
I was completely detached the whole time (my mouth stayed closed) and I guess I was doing the cynical outsider’s perspective like I always do. No harm, no foul. Someone has to. Between Zara “awwwh”ing and falling in love with a fiction character and Julie eating popcorn SO LOUDLY and complaining about the aesthetics (which I enjoyed doing too. We’re so bad) someone had to remain aloof and bitchy.
Right? :P
I can’t discern right now whether I enjoyed it, but overall, it was a really fun day, regardless. Julie and Zara loved it, as did Becky who thought it did the books a fair justice, and even though I’m sure they’re just as shitty, she had fun, so I’ll take it in my stride.
It was just a big dollop of syrupy, melodramatic, hopeless romantic vampire, swooning drivel-y tripe, but it’s a good distraction and I’m glad I saw it. Even if just to have something to blog about.
Oh, lol. >_>
Easier Said Than Done:
The ten awkward seconds after seeing an old friend, and the ensuing self-conscious 2 minutes.
I honestly can’t count how many people from Moil and Sanderson I saw today. God. I talked to about half of them, and we usually all had places to be, so it’s like that amiable exchange like “Oh, wow, you’re alive! Good for you. What have you been up to these past 3ish years?”
*crickets*
But yeah, who’d I see? Soon as we got to Cas, saw Simone (didn’t speak, waved), saw Surya’s back (meh), talked briefly to Tegan (holy shit I didn’t even know she was still here! And turns out she’s a Twilight fan girl. Tsk, tsk, Tegan), actually talked to Darcy, god forbid, as he sidled up, made lisped excuses and stared at my boobs.
Ah, nostalgia, you dog.
Then found Julie, went to the cinemas, saw, count ‘em, Raymond (we see each other at school, no big deal), Clancy (had a bit of a chat, then and during a break in Twilight. Nice guy, less awkward, but otherwise hasn’t changed a bit. A little bit taken aback by me. Also didn’t look at my eyes too much), Mitchell (never close, but since interacting online I would have liked to say hi, but no such luck), and would you believe it, fucking Scot Harrison!
Who, might I add, may have asked me on a date. I’m not sure.
Uh, who else? Couple of people we see at school anyway, but man! I guess it was because it’s the people I never run into. Like, we saw Jaime too, and a few others, but nothing crazy. But wow. And it’s weird initiating conversation. I mean, Jesus Christ. I think I did rather well, though, if you think about it.
Now, more pressingly…
Easier Said Than Done:
Surviving men.
Because oh, wow, I should wear tops like that more often. Yikes!
Uhm, let’s see.
Darcy, Clancy, Scot, and that guy in EB. Busy, busy day.
I’m sure the first three could be attributed to mingled nostalgia catch up, but yeah. Crazy, crazy. Well, let me explain.
First off, me and Zara walked into the food court and peeked into Maccas’s to see if Julie was waiting for us already (to no avail) and with many exasperated noises, were just waiting outside, and even though we’d seen all the aforementioned food court dwellers (Tegan, Darcy, Surya), and after having a little moment with Tegan, Darcy (hardly changed, dresses better, grew literally up and has more friends, big deal) sidles (and I use that word twice, specifically, because that’s just the imagery) up to us and says hi. Which is odd, because even though we’d exchanged genial waves prior on a few occasions (including me being dragged out a mosh pit with minor head trauma) I had thought he had more hard feelings about the last year because of words exchanged with Julie a few months ago. Buuut, no, and immediately makes excuses, saying that his younger brother had his Moil graduation thing today, and he’s feeling nostalgic, as he stands there in his fedora. I lol’d inside.
It was good just to chat for a bit, even though I could feel that Zara was not only a bit uncomfortable but supremely confused. I didn’t even know what was going on.
I also, apparently, didn’t notice the way he looked at me. Go figure.
So me and Darcy had a bit of a rapid speak bitch about Twilight, the internet fandom, scary Harry Potter fanfic (YUCK srsly) and how we’ve been.
I don’t think he remembered me being so smart. Shows him, eh?
Then Julie came, we squealed a bit, and my mum called so we had some complications. Especially because at this point we’d just discovered that Twilight was sold out, and I probably looked pretty frazzled (and sweaty) :\
So attractive.
I do my best.
Then we bumped into Clancy, of all people, at the cinemas, who, like Darcy, I saw around every now and then, but rarely talk to.
The conversation was far more pleasant than that with Darcy, even though I don’t think there was that same competitive streak that me and the latter had. Because I was so cool. I suppose I let him talk a fair bit, but I was more interested in how little he had changed. But it was a good ol’ amiable chat. A wee bit awkward since I’ve been told he used to like me. Which I never really put too much stock in, but he did seek me out. A little bit odd. Zara thinks the same of Darcy, though you never know. Maybe I was more of a vixen in primary school than I knew.
Then, and very topically, I saw Scot! Scot of all people. He texted me, as he does periodically (which I never reply to, as I have no credit or just don’t wanna go there) the other day, asking what was up and whether I was still around. I find it odd that he thought about me enough, randomly, to drop me a line. Like Stacy. It’s sweet, albeit perplexing.
But yeah, he also sorta sidled up to me, in his tradie clothes, as I waited kinda in/around the queue, after saying something to his friends. He grew out his hair. It’s curlier. He looks even more like a clown. :)
Asked me what I’ve been doing (nothing much), if I changed my number (nope, just no credit), prodded about me and Eddy (oh, you heard? Yeah, we broke up), and I remarked that I live closer to him now (Moil) (Other side of Byrne), (yeah, we should catch up) and then what I’m doing Friday (nothing that I can think of) and more specifically, Friday night (nope, nothing) and that we should totally catch up (oh, yeah, that would be great).
He was standing really close to me, and apparently I look really good. Pretty, happy. And he was somewhat “hmmm”d about me wearing heels. “Since when do you wear heels?” and I then detail the super huge ones I have.
It seemed kinda casual datey. Which is okay, I guess. I’m not that interested, but a nostalgia afternoon hanging out would be nice. And maybe even a date. I don’t go on dates much. It’ll be nice for a reminisce and meal, if it comes to that. No harm, no foul.
He skedaddled with his friends, appearing to be giggling like a school girl, which is cute. I guess.
And then! AND THERE’S MORE BUT WE’RE NEARLY DONE
After skipping down to the bus depot to check the bus time table and a frantic call to a mother about missing a hair appointment (I’m rescheduling and going lighter) we headed up and popped into EB, where Julie’s lover boy is working. She can say he’s not hers all she likes, but he sends her sentimental emails. Hmph!
Anyway, we pop in, talk to him a bit, and I leave them to shoot off and look at the 360 games. As I always do. Survey, look at the new releases, contemplate the prices, and this guy (EB employee, not a random) (kinda Maori looking, long wavy black hair, looked a lot like Eddy) sort of leans on the wall next to me and asks me if I’m looking for anything in particular, but I’m just browsing, and he makes small talk!
I found this hilarious.
But yeah, we talked a little bit about the broken air conditioning system, and I made a few well placed witty chides at gamers (<3) and I think I was funny, at least. But yeah. I swear to god I wasn’t imaging it. >_>
Then some older lass asks the way desperately hip grandparents do about technology, and he’s swept away by good intentions and senility, so I take the opportunity to look at the PC releases.
Ahh, man, I wish this shit bucket could handle better games.
And then Jubes’ Tim starts talking to me (the two of them present, of course) with the “Oh, are you the friend that plays WoW?” and admittedly, yes, we did kinda fall into the long winded but inevitably tame gamer diatribe about games, especially Fall Out and the dwindling popularity, so it would seem, of the common RTS (poor Red Alert). So yeah, I geeked. I geeked good.
Then we went towards Woolies, I bought Mentos, free Leonard’s taster that was weird and went everywhere, and finally got a bus.
Hung out at Zara’s, checked my mail, had a big guilt about not having spoken to Brian for a few days (gah. Timezones. :\… ) and ran off home.
Easier Said Than Done:
Enduring super random days like that.
I had fun, I admit. I kinda felt a bit sexy, a bit confident, I got maybe asked on a date, and I’m just feeling relieved. Tired as hell.
Gonna ring Ed and if he’s awake, have a bit of a bitch, maybe have some couch sleep so I don’t have to sit through a really awkward dinner (Mum and Alistair are having a fight. Joy) iono.
Time will tell.
Easier Said Than Done:
Not feeling crappy about the quality of this ranty, sensationalist and lazy post.
I’ll do it later. :\
Easier Said Than Done: Blogging
11-12-08
Listening to:
iTunes on random. Not “Decode” on YouTube. :(
Radiohead
Faker (bahahahaha <3 classic!)
Cyndi Lauper (lolololololol)
Easier Said Than Done:
Updating a blog periodically.
Just because I can do a commentary doesn’t mean I’ve corrected the problem.
I’ve already established (count ‘em, nigh three times) that I have a bit of revolving door complex when it comes to this sort of shit. Admittedly, lately, my records has been about three posts before just throwing up my hands and abandoning them. Which is okay, I guess. I mean, I honestly don’t know how beneficial they are nowadays, and I don’t really get the same melodramatic ego trip from my friends reading it as I used to. Which is unfortunate, because gosh it felt good. Ya’know, angst, angst, angst.
And yes! I have a gimmick. Is this going to be an issue?
I think I’m far more entranced by the idea of creating a blog, coming up with a snappy title and innovative URL, the banners, the icons, the colour schemes, than committing myself to a good vent every few days or so. And fuck, we’re going into the school holidays now. I haven’t had net access for the past week-ish? So posting date for this is indefinite. Ah well, you know. I’m just tired of everything. Is it sad that I wonder to what degree I can be honest here? That’s the thing with all these stupid three post life blogs. They’re like shitty quality batteries, and they all tell a different story. I just concoct some bullshit for 10 minutes before running out of steam. Which I predict will happen soon if I go and heat myself up some Chinese.
Even though I’m craving some of those super hardcore spinach and ricotta pastries. Man, those things are epic.
All in all, I can say all I want about some kind of dedication to this blog (which in fact doesn’t exist beyond my 11:45AM boredom in MS Word) so “OMG I’ll totally update every day!” but it doesn’t change anything. Ever.
Oh, whoa. That was mediocre. Tsk, tsk.
Easier Said Than Done:
Embracing popular music
As mentioned, since being bound to the oh-so-tangible land of oh noes no internets (and I mean fucking banished. God I just want to punch my modem in the face but I don’t think it’ll help) I’ve confided in my TV a lot more than I usually do. I mean, prior, I pretty seldom indulged in the flashy lights and pretty colours. Now that I’ve had few other things to do (besides from drawing, eating, cleaning, watching my fish swim around and god forbid, pulling this kinda blog bullshit) and I can tell you:
Size does not matter.
At all. It’s how you use it.
I swear to god, 46 inches on a big shiny flat wide screen does not do two fucking shits more than a teeny tiny screen with a 360 and something mind numbing with boobies bouncing around. It doesn’t have a whole lot of merit otherwise, but golly Soul Calibur IV passed the time in a very bouncy fashion.
46 inches aside (lol omg) I’ve been watching a lot of the music channels lately, because as I will mention, I have been listening to one song in particular over and over again at every opportunity, because I swear it’s fucking addictive. With no rational explanation why, either.
Jesus Christ, kids, some of the music you’ve got yourselves listening to is just absolutely shitty. Like, really. There’s a Hilary Duff (I thought she died or something) song circulating around that completely freakin’ rapes Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” (yeah, I bet you thought Marilyn Manson wrote that song. But he didn’t write “Tainted Love”, no… That was The Cure! I know, right? Fucking amateurs.) and in addition, has the seemingly compulsory 10 seconds of some random rapper slandering the young and nubile “singer” as she rolls around in some Yank buggering up of pseudo Gothic Lolita bullshit. “Oh my god, everyone’s doing that now”
No. The fucking Japanese did it, they made it popular, they rocked at it, so try shutting the fuck up.
Aaaaand take a deep breath. Wow. Do I sound that angry?
My most eloquent moments. No, seriously.
Back to the music, of course.
I was pleasantly surprised, though, I’ll admit. A couple of diamonds in the rough, if you will. I mean, there have been plenty of songs that whilst being plenty crap as far as music goes, that I’ve been able to tolerate to the point of maybe not really kind of sort of liking. But shush. Nobody has to know.
But I am seeing a lot of artists grow as musicians, and while I’m not going to run out and download some of the trendy shit so I can feel young again, and it won’t touch my iTunes, no sirree, but I might hang around YouTube and listen to that god awful catchy stuff. No, I’m not getting off my pedestal, just… let this be a subtle nod of approval at some of you pop stars that aren’t (or maybe just are and I like your tits) total whores and who have a voice enough to make it work.
I’m going to hate myself for saying it, but… Beyonce, kudos.
No, okay. Don’t jump to conclusions, but that “If I Were A Boy” tune shows something that, admittedly, we’ve pretty much always know, and that she has an amazing voice, but a song like that shows a fair bit of integrity as a singer, and I’d think a bit of humility, but who knows if it was even written by her?
Not me, because I don’t have the fucking internet.
Grrr.
But yeah, I don’t mind it, and I think the clip is pretty profound. Wow, and I really saying(/typing) this?
Yeah, I totally am. OMG NOOOOOOO
Oh, and Katy Perry sounds pretty shit live. Just so you know.
Kanye West, man. I have never liked him, and I’m attributing my fascination with “Love Lockdown” to a minor lapse in judgement. To me, it’s hardly a song. It’s him barely singing since he’s got that Audio Magic shit going on, and it’s all synthesised, but, that said, of all his songs it has caught my attention and held it the longest, and among his fans, apparently it hasn’t had the most warm reception. Go figure, eh?
Easier Said Than Done:
Enduring “Twilight”
First off, I’ll explain about “Decode”
“Decode” is a song by Paramore for the Twilight soundtrack that most fan girls orgasmed over for about a week before disregarding. I heard snippets and looked it up and somehow, inexplicably, fell in love with it. To the addictive point where I’m just replaying it on YouTube, and looking up lyrics and maybe, just maybe, fapping.
Am I kidding? Who knows?
It’s not even great. I don’t love Paramore usually, even though isn’t the lead singer the cutest little thing with an attitude? Awwh. But musically, it’s meh.
But addictive nonetheless.
Point is since I lost my net connection, it hasn’t been on at all. I worry half the time when I’m watching something that Decode would be on another channel. Eddy came over to hang out and look at my modem yesterday, and every 10 minutes:
“Do you think Decode is on?” + *bitch, bitch, bitch, whine, moan, bitch*
He’s a pretty good guy for putting up with that shit.
But yeaahhh.
So, tomorrow (on a day I did not realise until recently was the first screenings so I imagine it will be packed to the ceiling) I have to see Twilight for Rebecca’s birthday.
I am making a purple dragon as we speak.
Now, I hadn’t really seen any of the trailers until my TV-tastic exploits, and from what I understand of the books (things Rebecca is a fan of. Man, I thought she had better taste) it’s an Ann Rice wannabe that preys on young, deluded alternative and insecure girls with prominent male figures in their lives who relate to the main character, Bella, living precariously through her submissive, docile adventures. Because an oh-so-handsome vampire falls in love with her, and wants to fuck her, eat her and love her to bits because she’s so cutesy wootsy? Fuck that shit. And then all his vampire friends are like “OMG NOOO WAAYYYY” and wanna kill her too. I don’t get it, evidently.
That’s the extremely watered down version and it’s still pretty unnecessarily complicated. Now, I can’t really get too far up on my own high horse because when I was like, freakin’ 11, I used to read what I’m sure were even shittier books about soul mates and all that rickety vampire bullshit, but I’m just pissed at the success that Twilight and its sequel novels are receiving. It’s just ridiculous. Books like Twilight, not to mention authors like Stephanie Meyer, are a dime a dozen, and while none are more deserving than her of being best sellers, but to play on the fantasies of wet teenage girls who have never experienced the touch of boys who have been knocking boots for a few centuries is a wee bit devious.
Just a little bit. I swearz.
That’s the secret of success, I get it. Stop rubbing it in my face.
BUUUTTTT all these things said, it doesn’t detract from the climatic fact…
I’m kinda afraid I’m going to perversely enjoy watching Twilight. I don’t think I’ll read the books (if it’s really necessary after glimpsing half the topics in Books & Reading on LW) and if I do, it’ll be to better know thine enemy. Like reading the bible.
So, weird obsession with “Decode” (which isn’t even a great song musically, so fuck’s sake) and sinking sensation of yielding to the craze that is Twilight girl fandom (it has Yaoi sites dedicated to it already, for crying out loud. How is that not fucked up? Shitty dubbings of anime, what have you done to teenage girls?!?!!) aside, I’m just crossing my toes and hoping that a $30 book voucher is enough for Rebecca. Even though she bought the final Twilight book (in which there is a sex scene. She better let me have a crack at that shit) she likes books, so maybe she can find something else? Iono. She liked all those straight as a ringlet Eragon books yonks ago. Maybe that’ll float her boat.
I’ll update this sometime tomorrow after I’ve seen Twilight for a good bitch.
Uh, what else?
Easier Said Than Done:
Blogging on a nearly empty stomach.
BRB. lololololololol
Easier Said Than Done:
Living with myself after that spectacle.
“Decode” was just on Channel [V]…
Do you ever do that thing where you turn it up super loud (like, deafening) on your fancy, fancy speakers/DVD player (yeah, I don’t get it either) just so you can sing to your heart’s content without being painfully aware of how tone deaf you are?
No?
Try it. Fucking orgasmic.
Ohhh yeaahhh. That was worth it. Somehow I managed to miss that song every time it was on for the past two/three days, but I catch it right at the beginning today and oh, my.
Totally worth it.
Easier Said Than Done:
Being a woman.
I fucking hate periods. That is all.
Easier Said Than Done:
Trying to discern your sexuality (one way or another) in the nick of time before making any huge commitments, all the while doing so without any physical interaction or taking the time to have a same sex relationship.
Wow, because that was vague.
But seriously, the sexuality thing? I have no idea anymore. I have no doubts about my capacity to have a sexually rewarding and emotionally fulfilling romantic relationship with a chick, but I don’t know. It only takes a city with few and far between sincere lesbians that aren’t in it just for someone who knows their way around a vagina and how cute it is to be gay and a certain amount of interactions with guys to bring you to your very possibly heterosexual knees.
I’ve always been interested in girls, but I’m starting to wonder how much of my attraction is desire and envy. Half the time I’m unsure if I wanna do them, or be them. And that’s a bit of a mindfuck.
And trippily enough, I’m afraid that my yearning to be a lesbian far outweighs the part of me that is sincerely gay.
I can’t say whether I feel more comfortable kissing either gender. I like the way girls feel, but until I can have a relationship and inevitably, have sex with a chick, it’ll be impossible to know.
I thought being a teenager was supposed to be about experimenting. I don’t even want to think about promising myself to someone for the rest of my life. That’s kinda insane.
As if I wasn’t terrified enough of long term commitment, life is just about the longest thing you ever do and, ya’know, yikes. That’s a big deal. A big loomy deal. Not to mention everything else it presents, but that’s a tale for another day.
I just can’t deal with this. I complicate things for myself. Not that this is news or anything, but I’m just reiterating a point for the newbies.
Easier Said Than Done:
Actually getting around to making this fucking card.
Preliminary line art done, and I have paper, I have glue (maybe not enough. I should ring mum), I am armed with trusty blade and scissors, but all I wanna do is waste time on LW (not gonna happen) or attack my melty desk candle with a few sculpting tools. Man, wax is an epic medium.
Easier Said Than Done:
Forgetting mistakes.
In that Smashing Pumpkins song “1979”, I remember for a few months, about 33ish seconds into it, it said “Owen”.
Obviously, now I know that it says “going”, but god it made me feel cold. Like a chill.
Going from a flame to smoulder.
I am cold and alone with the things I have done. Just a small, burning coal in my throat. Tasting sickly sweet.
Easier Said Than Done:
Updating and keeping up this kinda momentum
Fingers crossed, kids.
Now, I have a dragon to photocopy a few times. I might even go play with the fish.
I will write something eventually. Maybe.
If I feel like it.
Ta-raaaaa,
Annyn
Listening to:
iTunes on random. Not “Decode” on YouTube. :(
Radiohead
Faker (bahahahaha <3 classic!)
Cyndi Lauper (lolololololol)
Easier Said Than Done:
Updating a blog periodically.
Just because I can do a commentary doesn’t mean I’ve corrected the problem.
I’ve already established (count ‘em, nigh three times) that I have a bit of revolving door complex when it comes to this sort of shit. Admittedly, lately, my records has been about three posts before just throwing up my hands and abandoning them. Which is okay, I guess. I mean, I honestly don’t know how beneficial they are nowadays, and I don’t really get the same melodramatic ego trip from my friends reading it as I used to. Which is unfortunate, because gosh it felt good. Ya’know, angst, angst, angst.
And yes! I have a gimmick. Is this going to be an issue?
I think I’m far more entranced by the idea of creating a blog, coming up with a snappy title and innovative URL, the banners, the icons, the colour schemes, than committing myself to a good vent every few days or so. And fuck, we’re going into the school holidays now. I haven’t had net access for the past week-ish? So posting date for this is indefinite. Ah well, you know. I’m just tired of everything. Is it sad that I wonder to what degree I can be honest here? That’s the thing with all these stupid three post life blogs. They’re like shitty quality batteries, and they all tell a different story. I just concoct some bullshit for 10 minutes before running out of steam. Which I predict will happen soon if I go and heat myself up some Chinese.
Even though I’m craving some of those super hardcore spinach and ricotta pastries. Man, those things are epic.
All in all, I can say all I want about some kind of dedication to this blog (which in fact doesn’t exist beyond my 11:45AM boredom in MS Word) so “OMG I’ll totally update every day!” but it doesn’t change anything. Ever.
Oh, whoa. That was mediocre. Tsk, tsk.
Easier Said Than Done:
Embracing popular music
As mentioned, since being bound to the oh-so-tangible land of oh noes no internets (and I mean fucking banished. God I just want to punch my modem in the face but I don’t think it’ll help) I’ve confided in my TV a lot more than I usually do. I mean, prior, I pretty seldom indulged in the flashy lights and pretty colours. Now that I’ve had few other things to do (besides from drawing, eating, cleaning, watching my fish swim around and god forbid, pulling this kinda blog bullshit) and I can tell you:
Size does not matter.
At all. It’s how you use it.
I swear to god, 46 inches on a big shiny flat wide screen does not do two fucking shits more than a teeny tiny screen with a 360 and something mind numbing with boobies bouncing around. It doesn’t have a whole lot of merit otherwise, but golly Soul Calibur IV passed the time in a very bouncy fashion.
46 inches aside (lol omg) I’ve been watching a lot of the music channels lately, because as I will mention, I have been listening to one song in particular over and over again at every opportunity, because I swear it’s fucking addictive. With no rational explanation why, either.
Jesus Christ, kids, some of the music you’ve got yourselves listening to is just absolutely shitty. Like, really. There’s a Hilary Duff (I thought she died or something) song circulating around that completely freakin’ rapes Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” (yeah, I bet you thought Marilyn Manson wrote that song. But he didn’t write “Tainted Love”, no… That was The Cure! I know, right? Fucking amateurs.) and in addition, has the seemingly compulsory 10 seconds of some random rapper slandering the young and nubile “singer” as she rolls around in some Yank buggering up of pseudo Gothic Lolita bullshit. “Oh my god, everyone’s doing that now”
No. The fucking Japanese did it, they made it popular, they rocked at it, so try shutting the fuck up.
Aaaaand take a deep breath. Wow. Do I sound that angry?
My most eloquent moments. No, seriously.
Back to the music, of course.
I was pleasantly surprised, though, I’ll admit. A couple of diamonds in the rough, if you will. I mean, there have been plenty of songs that whilst being plenty crap as far as music goes, that I’ve been able to tolerate to the point of maybe not really kind of sort of liking. But shush. Nobody has to know.
But I am seeing a lot of artists grow as musicians, and while I’m not going to run out and download some of the trendy shit so I can feel young again, and it won’t touch my iTunes, no sirree, but I might hang around YouTube and listen to that god awful catchy stuff. No, I’m not getting off my pedestal, just… let this be a subtle nod of approval at some of you pop stars that aren’t (or maybe just are and I like your tits) total whores and who have a voice enough to make it work.
I’m going to hate myself for saying it, but… Beyonce, kudos.
No, okay. Don’t jump to conclusions, but that “If I Were A Boy” tune shows something that, admittedly, we’ve pretty much always know, and that she has an amazing voice, but a song like that shows a fair bit of integrity as a singer, and I’d think a bit of humility, but who knows if it was even written by her?
Not me, because I don’t have the fucking internet.
Grrr.
But yeah, I don’t mind it, and I think the clip is pretty profound. Wow, and I really saying(/typing) this?
Yeah, I totally am. OMG NOOOOOOO
Oh, and Katy Perry sounds pretty shit live. Just so you know.
Kanye West, man. I have never liked him, and I’m attributing my fascination with “Love Lockdown” to a minor lapse in judgement. To me, it’s hardly a song. It’s him barely singing since he’s got that Audio Magic shit going on, and it’s all synthesised, but, that said, of all his songs it has caught my attention and held it the longest, and among his fans, apparently it hasn’t had the most warm reception. Go figure, eh?
Easier Said Than Done:
Enduring “Twilight”
First off, I’ll explain about “Decode”
“Decode” is a song by Paramore for the Twilight soundtrack that most fan girls orgasmed over for about a week before disregarding. I heard snippets and looked it up and somehow, inexplicably, fell in love with it. To the addictive point where I’m just replaying it on YouTube, and looking up lyrics and maybe, just maybe, fapping.
Am I kidding? Who knows?
It’s not even great. I don’t love Paramore usually, even though isn’t the lead singer the cutest little thing with an attitude? Awwh. But musically, it’s meh.
But addictive nonetheless.
Point is since I lost my net connection, it hasn’t been on at all. I worry half the time when I’m watching something that Decode would be on another channel. Eddy came over to hang out and look at my modem yesterday, and every 10 minutes:
“Do you think Decode is on?” + *bitch, bitch, bitch, whine, moan, bitch*
He’s a pretty good guy for putting up with that shit.
But yeaahhh.
So, tomorrow (on a day I did not realise until recently was the first screenings so I imagine it will be packed to the ceiling) I have to see Twilight for Rebecca’s birthday.
I am making a purple dragon as we speak.
Now, I hadn’t really seen any of the trailers until my TV-tastic exploits, and from what I understand of the books (things Rebecca is a fan of. Man, I thought she had better taste) it’s an Ann Rice wannabe that preys on young, deluded alternative and insecure girls with prominent male figures in their lives who relate to the main character, Bella, living precariously through her submissive, docile adventures. Because an oh-so-handsome vampire falls in love with her, and wants to fuck her, eat her and love her to bits because she’s so cutesy wootsy? Fuck that shit. And then all his vampire friends are like “OMG NOOO WAAYYYY” and wanna kill her too. I don’t get it, evidently.
That’s the extremely watered down version and it’s still pretty unnecessarily complicated. Now, I can’t really get too far up on my own high horse because when I was like, freakin’ 11, I used to read what I’m sure were even shittier books about soul mates and all that rickety vampire bullshit, but I’m just pissed at the success that Twilight and its sequel novels are receiving. It’s just ridiculous. Books like Twilight, not to mention authors like Stephanie Meyer, are a dime a dozen, and while none are more deserving than her of being best sellers, but to play on the fantasies of wet teenage girls who have never experienced the touch of boys who have been knocking boots for a few centuries is a wee bit devious.
Just a little bit. I swearz.
That’s the secret of success, I get it. Stop rubbing it in my face.
BUUUTTTT all these things said, it doesn’t detract from the climatic fact…
I’m kinda afraid I’m going to perversely enjoy watching Twilight. I don’t think I’ll read the books (if it’s really necessary after glimpsing half the topics in Books & Reading on LW) and if I do, it’ll be to better know thine enemy. Like reading the bible.
So, weird obsession with “Decode” (which isn’t even a great song musically, so fuck’s sake) and sinking sensation of yielding to the craze that is Twilight girl fandom (it has Yaoi sites dedicated to it already, for crying out loud. How is that not fucked up? Shitty dubbings of anime, what have you done to teenage girls?!?!!) aside, I’m just crossing my toes and hoping that a $30 book voucher is enough for Rebecca. Even though she bought the final Twilight book (in which there is a sex scene. She better let me have a crack at that shit) she likes books, so maybe she can find something else? Iono. She liked all those straight as a ringlet Eragon books yonks ago. Maybe that’ll float her boat.
I’ll update this sometime tomorrow after I’ve seen Twilight for a good bitch.
Uh, what else?
Easier Said Than Done:
Blogging on a nearly empty stomach.
BRB. lololololololol
Easier Said Than Done:
Living with myself after that spectacle.
“Decode” was just on Channel [V]…
Do you ever do that thing where you turn it up super loud (like, deafening) on your fancy, fancy speakers/DVD player (yeah, I don’t get it either) just so you can sing to your heart’s content without being painfully aware of how tone deaf you are?
No?
Try it. Fucking orgasmic.
Ohhh yeaahhh. That was worth it. Somehow I managed to miss that song every time it was on for the past two/three days, but I catch it right at the beginning today and oh, my.
Totally worth it.
Easier Said Than Done:
Being a woman.
I fucking hate periods. That is all.
Easier Said Than Done:
Trying to discern your sexuality (one way or another) in the nick of time before making any huge commitments, all the while doing so without any physical interaction or taking the time to have a same sex relationship.
Wow, because that was vague.
But seriously, the sexuality thing? I have no idea anymore. I have no doubts about my capacity to have a sexually rewarding and emotionally fulfilling romantic relationship with a chick, but I don’t know. It only takes a city with few and far between sincere lesbians that aren’t in it just for someone who knows their way around a vagina and how cute it is to be gay and a certain amount of interactions with guys to bring you to your very possibly heterosexual knees.
I’ve always been interested in girls, but I’m starting to wonder how much of my attraction is desire and envy. Half the time I’m unsure if I wanna do them, or be them. And that’s a bit of a mindfuck.
And trippily enough, I’m afraid that my yearning to be a lesbian far outweighs the part of me that is sincerely gay.
I can’t say whether I feel more comfortable kissing either gender. I like the way girls feel, but until I can have a relationship and inevitably, have sex with a chick, it’ll be impossible to know.
I thought being a teenager was supposed to be about experimenting. I don’t even want to think about promising myself to someone for the rest of my life. That’s kinda insane.
As if I wasn’t terrified enough of long term commitment, life is just about the longest thing you ever do and, ya’know, yikes. That’s a big deal. A big loomy deal. Not to mention everything else it presents, but that’s a tale for another day.
I just can’t deal with this. I complicate things for myself. Not that this is news or anything, but I’m just reiterating a point for the newbies.
Easier Said Than Done:
Actually getting around to making this fucking card.
Preliminary line art done, and I have paper, I have glue (maybe not enough. I should ring mum), I am armed with trusty blade and scissors, but all I wanna do is waste time on LW (not gonna happen) or attack my melty desk candle with a few sculpting tools. Man, wax is an epic medium.
Easier Said Than Done:
Forgetting mistakes.
In that Smashing Pumpkins song “1979”, I remember for a few months, about 33ish seconds into it, it said “Owen”.
Obviously, now I know that it says “going”, but god it made me feel cold. Like a chill.
Going from a flame to smoulder.
I am cold and alone with the things I have done. Just a small, burning coal in my throat. Tasting sickly sweet.
Easier Said Than Done:
Updating and keeping up this kinda momentum
Fingers crossed, kids.
Now, I have a dragon to photocopy a few times. I might even go play with the fish.
I will write something eventually. Maybe.
If I feel like it.
Ta-raaaaa,
Annyn
Well, fuck.
Finally got a new modem, but over two weeks since I've been fucked to blog. Ah well, what the heck.
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